Local investigative reporter and Burnsville citizen DAN O’GALLAGHER was assaulted on June 17th by a crazed gunman, VOLFGANG “THE KRAUT” SCHMIDT. Recent allies, the reporter was held at gunpoint in the local firearms distribution store (GUNN’S GUNS, BUY TODAY!) by his former comrade, whom he had rescued some weeks before from the town drunk tank, hoping to offer the irascible German some longterm employment.
The fight was over in moments, and the German native did not survive his wounds. A trial was held, and in short order it was ascertained that the Kraut was known for drinking heavily and possessing a foul temperament, though it remained unknown what precisely had caused his eventual and fatal outburst.
DAN O’GALLAGHER has made restitution to GUNN’S GUNS for the damage caused in the fighting, and reimbursed the town for the funeral cost of his former friend and ally.
Rest in Peace, Kraut.
-mournfully reported from eyewitness accounts and personal tragedy by DAN O’GALLAGHER